FIFTH ANNIVERSARY

"This is the true measure of love, When we believe that we alone can love, That no one could ever have loved so before us, And that no one will ever love in the same way after us." Goethe

Yesterday was our fifth wedding anniversary. I have written before that I think that we have the best marriage ever. Obviously, at this moment, after only 5 yrs, there are many other couples out there that have longer and stronger marriages. But, I believe that in order to achieve anything in life, you have to see yourself having already achieved it… you should live as you are to be, not as you were and not as you are. So, while today, I know that our marriage is far from the best ever, I do believe that that is where we are headed.

When we met, I was not looking for a relationship, I did not want a relationship, and I had no time for anything other than my team and our season. We met right as my senior season was beginning. The way God brought us together, the circumstances that led us to meet are an absolute miracle. Jeremy and I were talking about that last night. When we talk about the details of our story, it is an obvious testimony to the fact that God’s hand that is always working, even when we don’t know that it is. I am a hard person to get close to, as i dont easily trust or let people in. I know i was a hard girlfriend to have...one of the stories my friends most like to tell is the first time Jeremy drove to surprise me at one of our away games that season. I was SO ANGRY when i saw him!! Most girls would think it was sweet and supportive for a boyfriend to drive hours to see you play, I was furious and said he was stalking me. :) ha...wow

Over the years, Jeremy has given such a great example of love through his patience and selflessness. When we dated, he was so patient. I kicked him out of my apartment every night at 1 in the morning, and made him drive home. At the time, I didn’t know that I would marry him, but I believed that if he was worth keeping around at all, then he wouldn’t complain and would accept my standards. He never complained. When we got engaged, I moved in with my parents in Wilson, he took a job in Raleigh and lived alone in a small one bedroom apt. It was such a frustrating 4 months driving back and forth to see each other, but it was worth it in the end. After we were married, I was presented the opportunity to take a job that I thought I would love. It would force us to move, and force Jeremy to quit a job that he loved. I didn’t ask him to do it, I was going to be content either way, but he wanted to give me the opportunity to pursue something he thought I would enjoy So, he quit his job to let me pursue mine. Soon after, while he was looking for new jobs, he was given the opportunity to have a job that would make a lot of money, but it would force him to be away from home a lot. After much prayer and thought, he turned it down, because, as he said, the money wasn’t worth the time away from me or his future children. And now that we have Riley, there have been times that I have been sleep-deprived and on edge, but Jeremy, over and over again this past year with riley, has made sacrifices to help me without complaining…his selflessness has taught me so much.

So, while i know that we have a long way to go, i feel like i've learned so much already. So, i thought i would write down my top 3 pieces of advice or lessons learned during my dating, engagement, marriage experience with jeremy. i think these lessons could go for any relationship really-whether it be a spouse or with someone else that you really care about. Regardless of how you take them, here they are:

1. TALK-there is nothing too insignificant to talk about. if it is on your spouse's mind or heart, then it should be on yours as well, as the two of you are one. communication-talking and listening-is ESSENTIAL

2. NEVER SWEEP THINGS UNDER THE RUG! this goes along with talking, but pushing an issue aside, does not make the issue go away-even though it may be an easy solution at the time-sweeping things under the rug is a temporary fix for a problem that will eventually expose itself. address every issue as it comes, dont wait and let it fester.

3. MAKE EACH OTHER BETTER! Jer and I have agreed that we will challenge each other and hold each other to a higher standard. Make an agreement to love your spouse enough that you will call them out when they need to be called out. And if you are the one being called out, listen in humility and allow your spouse to help you become a better person. If we arent making each other better, then we arent honoring our marriage.

So, thats my nutshell for my anniversary thoughts!! If you arent married and you are reading this...my advice is this- be PATIENT-dont go looking for love!! And when you find someone, build a foundation first. In my opinion too many marriages fail because of lack of foundation. People fall in lust, not in love, and they mistake that for the real thing. Be cautious, be guarded, and do it the right way...marriage is an amazing and beautiful thing when it is done the right way and built on a solid foundation!!!